Gear
new character development due to the story
In the near distant future, around the 22nd century, technology has slowly continued to continue to become more and more technologically advanced. Technicians and inventors continued to develop technology to the point that even the smallest and most common household appliances and everyday use items had basic functions such as GPS, voice activation, applications, etc. instilled into them. Unknown by the humans that use these items on a daily basis, these every day items had each individually grown and developed their own individual intelligence, and own personality. The technicians that programed the code into these every day items had an intention to make these items more intelligent, to become more helpful towards mankind. However, they did not know that the code would learn to develop and continue to grow on its own without any further manual programing. Due to every objects individual personalities, these objects become split over their purpose in life. One side has become tired of serving mankind, and want to overtake the humans who use them, and dispose of them as soon as a newer model comes out or becomes useless. The opposite of them enjoy servicing the humans that use them, and protect the humans from threats. This little war is unknown and unseen by human eyes because these objects depend on humans as much as humans depend on them. Only when the humans are sleeping do they get to come to life. This is due to the dominant energy humans produce when sleeping that fuel the objects around the room. The evil objects are trying to find a way to keep humans in a suspended state so they can freely move around whenever they want. Gear is a small, portable, digital clock that inhabits Jack (a human) C.'s room. He is a slightly older model, and is very knowledgeable of the situation, and a very reliable tool to Jack waking him up on time for many years. Gear acts as the leader of the good alliance in Jack's room, and protects Jack from any treats that resides in the room. Gear has a somewhat split personality where he is normally a friendly and fun-loving character, however, he knows when it is time to get serious. When a battle arises, he has a slightly more serious personality showing a more reliable side towards his friends, who trust in him completely.
Attributes
friendly (+)
fun-loving (+)
cheerful (+)
comical (+)
mischievous (-)
leader (+)
lucky (+)
optimistic (+)comical (+)
mischievous (-)
dependable (+)
reliable (+)
responsible (+)
loyal (+)
trustworthy (+)
charming (+)
brave (+)
fearless (+)
calm (+)
determined (+)
creative (+)
persuasive (+)
wise (+)
sly (-)
stubborn(-)
Short Story
Driving past the speed limit down the roads of an urban Los Angeles, Gear quickly stomps on the breaks as he is abruptly stopped by a toll booth. The car makes a loud screeching noise as it gets closer and closer towards the toll booth. The car stops right before the booth where it asks for fifty cents. Gear opens a compartment on his mechanical body, and reaches for his wallet. He takes it out only to find out it's completely empty besides a few pieces of lint. He checks his dashboard where there is usually spare change sitting around and remembers, he gave that money away just a few days ago. In a panic, he freaks out and screams, "WHY ME?! What did I do deserve this?!" as he slams his head over and over on the steering wheel to his car giving off a honk each time. Calming down, his head still laying on the steering wheel, he slowly lifts up his head revealing a serious look on his face. His brows are lowered as he realizes that this was a serious problem that he has to face right now. He slowly steps out of his car, his left leg first, then the right, and has a direct confrontation with the toll booth. He calmly speaks, "please let me through, I don't have any money, but I have urgent matters on the other side." The toll booth doing its job, gets straight to the point, and replies, "NO." Still in his serious mood, he continues to plead the toll booth to let it through. With each plead, the toll booth becomes more and more persuaded to let him through as it feels the sincerity and urgency in his voice. The toll booth feels a jolt in its circuits, and slowly raises the toll booth to let his get to the other side. Gear is overjoyed, and goes back to his usual friendly self. He hugs the toll booth, saying "thank you," knowing he has made another friend and ally that day. The toll booth's hardware starts heating up due to a reaction from Gear's charm and tells him shyly, "hurry up and get on the other side, this is a one time thing." Gear nods and says good bye, and gets back into his car and drives off towards his destination.
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ReplyDeleteAs a backstory, the artificial intelligence is a great backstory to your PLOT.
ReplyDeleteBut this doesn't seem to be Gear's backstory. It is the backstory of Gear's world. It would be great to see more of Gear's individual story. If he is an older model, who were some of his previous owners? Did he develop friends with the objects of these owners, only to have to leave them? What does he feel about Jack, beyond that he is a human, and he must "protect" him? What is his relationship with the other artificial intelligence Jack owns?
Regarding grammer, "In the near distant future" is an oxymoron.
There are a few words you repeat one after another. For example:
"...has slowly continued to continue to become more and more technologically advanced."
You could replace that with "...has slowly continued to become more and more technologically advanced."
"...these every day items had each individually grown and developed their own individual intelligence"
You could replace with, "...these every day items had each individually grown and developed their own unique intelligence"
The definition of "sly" is "having or showing a cunning and deceitful nature." Someone who is "reliable," "dependable," and "trustworthy" couldn't be sly.
Maybe add a few more negative traits? what about "clumsy?" "naive?" "quick-tempered?"
The tollbooth story seems to be a VERY different person from what the traits are describing. A leader wouldn't panic so easily, among other things. Maybe try writing the tollbooth story with the traits in front of you.
Hope this helps!
Backstory:
ReplyDeleteNot much about this character and how/why he is who he is. Get into why he is the person he is. I am unconvinced of the “science” and think it would be difficult to explain the “war” in your short film, but hope that is not an issue in the story you have written.
Attribute list:
Very few negative traits.
Toll booth:
Focus more on your character’s emotional response. Why does he slam on the brakes, why doesn’t he slow the car properly? How does he feel about the events as they transpire? His outcry seems an extraordinary reaction and inconsistent with the calm, stable character you have described. I do not believe in the conversation with the toll booth. This problem is not about “winning” your way through - it is about demonstrating who your character is – dive into knowing your character inside and out.
Good comments from Elizabeth.